How to build your story in a strange place

We don't connect to places we don't feel a part of - here's how to write yourself into a home that you struggle with.

Hey guys! Starting today, some of my content is going to be paywalled. I’m planning on keeping about half of it free, but the more money I make, the more time and effort I can pour into this project, so this feels like a good compromise. I’m keeping it cheap — $5 a month, the cost of a beer, or only $50 if you pay for a year. If you cannot afford it, no worries! I accept donated subscriptions and will hand them out to anyone who asks. If I don’t have any, I do still have a Patreon, and would be happy to give you a paid subscription if you can pay as little as $1 on the honor system.

In 2014 I moved from Washington, D.C., to the Jersey Shore with my fiancee. Steph had grown up on the shore, and it was always part of her plans to move back here. My plans didn’t have a specific location and I loved Steph, so I went where she went without really critically examining the question. Within six months, I’d sunk into a pretty deep depression that I have spent a lot of time struggling to get out of.

The depression was brought on by a confluence of bad things, but one of them was that I didn’t get New Jersey. I felt out of place and adrift here. New Jersey is the most hated state in the nation according to the YouGov polling platform, and its residents do not care if you don’t like it. They either agree with you or would prefer you shut the fuck up about it and get out. This was not conducive to me building a relationship with the state.

By 2018, when our daughter was born, it became clear to me that I was in New Jersey for the long haul, like it or not, and that it would be better for me to try and improve my relationship with the state instead of just being miserable for a few decades until I could possibly retire elsewhere.

The solution, I decided, would be a magic spell: a book that I would pour my physical and mental self into to try and write my own history into the history of the Garden State. I would walk the entire length of the Jersey Shore, from the Palisades down to Cape May, and on each leg of the walk, I would dive into the local history and also unearth any family or personal connections I could find to the place. Then I would write New Jersey’s history and my own into one coherent story.

The spell is not yet complete, but it appears to be working, so I thought I’d share my tips, if you happen to be living in a place you struggle with.